Father's Day

There is something about Father's Day that puts me in a reflective state of mind.  A time to look back and remember.  To remember the first years, the newness, the long nights, first steps, first words, the nice things that got broken, stained clothes, and interrupted schedules.  It is also a time to look forward and resolve.  To  be a better dad, to provide the best childhood ever, to dream big.

All this thinking often puts me on a guilt trip.  I think of how often I am off pursuing my own dreams without regarding what is best for my family.  Of how often I fail, get frustrated, or blow up.  I can get overwhelmed by the bigness of fatherhood.  Many of today's cultural problems stem from inadequate fathers.  Even fathers that are present and involved can cause a myriad of hurts.

But this year will be different.  I will celebrate.  I will embrace the past, enjoy the present, and look forward to the future.  I will not let past failures keep me from future successes.

I will live in the present, realizing that this twenty year period will be over far too soon, and I will find myself looking wistfully at the scratched furniture, the rubber cement stain on the carpet, and wish for the days of toothpaste globs in the sink, piggy back rides, fingerprinted windows, and all the other things that go with having small children.  Seven years of fatherhood have flown by so fast that I know it will be over in the blink of an eye.  And I will realize giving my best effort is the most I can do.